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The Life and Times of a Dev Yes, we're really that weird

As a ScrumMaster, these are some of my pet peeves, in no particular order:

  1. Come late to meetings.  Better yet, don't show up to the meeting, don't let anyone know that you're going to miss the meeting, and then get grumpy when the ScrumMaster asks you to not do it again.  After all, the team doesn't really need to know what you're doing.
  2. Ignore the priority of stories set by the product owner.  He loves not knowing what's going to be completed at the end of the iteration.
  3. Have side conversations during iteration (sprint) planning, or send chat messages on your computer.  Then, when asked a question about what you should have been paying attention to, have a lost look and say, "Could you repeat that," meaning the last 10 minutes of conversation.  Rinse, repeat.
  4. Prefer e-mail for communication.  After all, you don't have to bother talking to a human being and you can do nothing while you wait for a reply!  Heaven.  Why would someone use the phone, an office visit, a chat, screen sharing or any of those other pesky interactive conversation mechanisms.
  5. Never ask for help, and if you do, make sure you always ask the same team member, even if others might know more.  It'll make person your asking much less productive, since he'll have to do your work and his work too!  And if you don't ask for help, you can do nothing and blame it on not being up to speed!  Teamwork, Shmeemwork.
  6. Own your stories, and by own, I mean OWN.  You touch my story, you die!  Then, at the end of the iteration, when you didn't get it completed, make sure they knew it was because you were struggling with a piece of the story.  Make sure you don't act like you feel bad to the team or anything, after all, they should have know that you wanted help, even when you told them to mind their own business.
  7. If you can think of something cool to add, add it now.  After all, there's no time like the present!  And then, when the team misses the iteration, you can say, "But we have a cool XYZ feature now!"  Who cares if you didn't need that feature and it wasn't a priority to the product owner.  They'll get over it.
  8. If you really, really, want a feature to be implemented in iteration, make a defect, and set it to the highest priority available.  So what if it's way beyond the scope of what the team committed to do!  They'll get over it.
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Posted on Wednesday, July 30, 2008 5:27 PM | Back to top


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